Tuesday, June 13, 2017

That Time I Shrunk

This week I ha to go in for yearly physical.  Everything is good, I just figure if insurance is going to cover the entire visit and it's considered "preventative" then why not?  I mean what better way to find out you're going to live another few years than getting poked and prodded.

Anyways, I got to the office about 30 minutes ahead of my appointment which in and of itself was amazing.  I got all checked in and got ready for a long wait.  Luckily it was only 5 minutes and the sweet nurse took me back.

We went over to the scale where they told me I lost weight which was exciting.  Next up was measuring me.  Here is where things get interesting.  I am standing on platform of about 4 inches and my nurse is all of 5 foot 1 inch tall.

I have always been 5 feet 7 inches tall.  At least since 7th grade.  The poor little nurse is trying with all of her might to get the measure thing to the right angle for her to read and I said, "it''s ok, I am 5'7" and have been."  She laughed...

Not like a chuckle, but an actual fucking laugh, "ok sweetie, you're 67 inches tall which makes you 5'6"."

In my head I screamed ,"Um... NO, I am not.  That would mean I have shrunk an like inch and I haven't shrunk an inch, damn it!!!  This isn't Alice in Wonderland and I didn't drink some weird elixir."

On the outside, I smiled and asked what could have happened.  I was told I needed to stretch more and they will check my height again next year, but I shouldn't be alarmed.  The rest of the appointment went by smoothly.

As I left I couldn't stop thinking about it.  I went toward the front doors and stood next to the height strip and asked the receptionist what it said... She looked at my like I was a crack head and quickly answered the phone.

Next stop was Bath and Body Works, where I asked the lady helping how tall she was.  It was not comparable because she was wearing heels...

I continued being a psycho about my height until I got home and measured myself and guess what?!?!  I am still 5'7" where I plan to be FOREVER!!!

The moral of the post?  Don't measure people if you can't use the device properly or read the numbers correctly.