After talking with a friend over several glasses of wine a few years back, I came to a conclusion which probably makes me sound selfish and like a complete asshole, but here it is... I won't date a guy with young kids.
To my single friends this might not seem so bad, to my married friends they probably think I am nuts; then of course, there are my friends and family that have been through this and it all worked out.
That is great for them, but not for me.
You see I am a late bloomer and I always have been. I won't apologize for this, I grow on my own time, in my own way and I have come to find certain quirks about me. One quirk is my indecisiveness of children (it is pretty much a strong no, but I believe in "never say never"). If I can't commit to a future with kids, why would I try to commit to a relationship with kids?
I have been there and done that. I dated a good guy with a child. He did everything for his child and I admired that, but by everything being done for the child I was constantly placed on the back burner. It didn't really bother me until there were countless weekends cancelled because the mom had other things to do and dad was the babysitter and I wasn't down with hanging out with the kid until we were more serious.
Call me crazy, but I do not think a child should be introduced until the adults know the relationship is going somewhere.
I have also found there is countless drama in dating a guy with kids. I know guys that used the new girlfriend as a pawn with their ex. I won't be a pawn in anyone's game, especially not with a baby mama.
I fully respect the decisions of men and women in dating single parents and I often think they don't get enough praise, but for now that isn't something I am looking at taking on. An instant family isn't in my play book currently. I am still in the "being selfish" phase and when I start dating someone and it gets serious, I want to be able to book that plane ticket for a weekend getaway and not have to check custody schedules or get a babysitter.
I want to be free to run away and have my partner go to.