Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Cuffing Season 2015

Cuffing Season 2015 is upon us.  Unlike most people, I am not one to buy into the status of being cuffed.

For those who have no idea what I am referring to, cuffing season is the time of year (mainly mid October through the end of February or the very latest St. Patrick's Day) when it gets chilly and crisp and singles no longer love the single life and settle into relationships.  They need cuddles and Netflix/ take out dates.  There is constantly someone to bring to family functions so your relatives stop asking when you will meet someone and turn the conversation into the awkward "when are you getting" married questions.

Notice how I used the word "settle"?

To me that is what "cuffing season" is all about.  Sure the natural evolution of dating is to make progressive steps toward an end goal, but one should never, ever settle into anything.  Settling is far worse than caving to fear, which is something I am terrified of.  I am terrified of settling and knowing there was a different relationship I should have gone after that would have been worth so much more than having someones to "cuff".

My sweet friend Ellie is currently going through an internal war of cuffing versus settling.  On one hand, she has fun with the guy she has been seeing since summer.  On the other, she knows the "relationship" isn't right.  He seems like a nice enough guy, but he also seems pushy.  She has told me how she keeps telling him she wants fun and no strings attached and he agrees, but then pulls these crazy things (like come meet my family and my son) that completely throw her off.  If it were me, her advice would be to let it go, but for her, she can't seem to get that part, because he is a really nice guy.

Here is the thing, nice doesn't equal right.  Nice can sometimes mean settling because you were too afraid  to hurt the nice guy's feelings.  We can all agree that ending up unhappy is the worst thing a person can do.

I don't buy into "Cuffing Season" because honestly I enjoy being alone.  Sure I miss out on the cute pumpkin patch pictures and the diamond earrings for Christmas but let's be honest...  It was either sweltering hot or freezing cold during the pumpkin patch and if things don't work out, it is the awkward "do I give the earrings back or keep them" question.  As for the holidays, I would much rather face down the demons relatives alone than with someone I only kind of like by my side.

Yes, I totally buy into the comfort notion.  If I am comfortable with you and can imagine lazy Sunday mornings or family functions with a guy then I know I should go after that.  If I don't, well it is a fling thing and that is about it.  So my advice to Ellie is to break it off and go try for the guy that you stayed up with until 3 am with Netflix and weird conversations, because that is the guy worth cuffing.

With that, I warn y'all... Don't settle into "Cuffing Season" for the sake of cuffing.