Monday, August 31, 2015

Anniversary of a Broken Heart

It's an anniversary, but not a happy one.  I wish I could celebrate the day I realized I was truly happy again, instead of the day you broke not just my heart, but me.  The truth is, I don't recall the day I realized I was fine, that I was moving on.  I don't like to harp on being broken, although it seems like I did for so long after.

I can honestly say that I look back on our time together and laugh and smile.  The pain isn't as sharp anymore and sometimes I wonder if my heart is healed.  Although I know it isn't, I also know you will always carry a piece of it everywhere you go as I carry you with me.

If someone would have asked me, I never would have said it would have ended that day in that way.  In my mind, we were supposed to spend so much more time together and in yours, we weren't.  You got your way and I didn't get mine.  I won't lie, I did think I would be the one to hurt you, but looking back I am glad it was the opposite for I don't want to carry that burden.

I am not angry anymore and I want to say it is ok...  It's ok that we aren't together, but the things you said still aren't ok.  I forgive you, not because you deserve it, but because I deserve to move on with my life without the devastating pain I once felt.

I have found that time truly does heal wounds and I am happy for the times I have seen you since and the conversations we have had.  Part of me will never fully understand why, especially when I think back to the moments I treasure and then I recall, it was every moment that I treasured and it is now time to bury that treasure.  It's not fair to me to continue holding on, to hope that someday our paths will intersect.  It's time to move on and if that means finding someone new I will or maybe I already have.  The beauty in realizing I am fine is realizing what I want my future to be like.