Wednesday, June 17, 2015
I Thought I Loved You
I sometimes want to say "thank you" for hurting me, because it was the best thing that could have happened. I went places I never would have dreamed of going, because this girl hops on planes when her heart gets broken. Having that broken heart opened the world for me. No it didn't feel good and most days (in the beginning) I thought I was going to die and the pain would never heal, but it did and I came out stronger, wiser and in some cases more cynical.
I almost fear dating again because I was hurt so deeply by so many and that is hard to get over. I carry those wounds that became scars with me. It isn't as if I want to carry them, but that kind of hurt becomes ingrained in your character. I sometimes wish I could go back to 18, when I had never been hurt and was naive to the world around me.
As we get older, we change. It is part of life. We learn from mistakes that become experiences and memories and I am thankful for the change I know has occurred in me. I no longer need the bar on Friday or Saturday night and enjoy the comforts of my bed by 8:30 pm on a work night. I don't feel the need to party like a rockstar with shots of tequila (unless it's a special occasion) most nights of the week. I am content with my bottle of wine and Netflix and if someone doesn't like that about me, to hell with them. As I get older, I promise to embrace the person I am becoming because I have to live with her and those who don't like her are free to use the door.
Labels: dating diaries