Saturday, January 17, 2015

A Lasting Impression

Life is interesting.. The ways we move through life and how the people we know become people we knew, people we were close to drift away from us like ships in the night.  The flicker of hope and faith in a person is a distant memory, nothing short of wishing on a star.  

There are people in our lives that leave lasting impressions, ones where you wish you could have done more, maybe loved deeper, held tighter or just called more.  There are people that will push you away because it is easier for them or better for you.  These things happen for reasons and in the long run they will come to make sense, but at the time they break apart pieces of our hearts.  It doesn't have to be an extraordinary love, but something simple like the love from a friendship at the very least.

I never expected the call to be about the loss of someone in my distant past but also still in my thoughts.  I still don't really know how to take the news.  I am saddened by the loss of a beautiful soul with more loyalty for family and friends alike than I could ever truly understand.  It seems unreal to know that I will never see your bright blue eyes again.  Though it has been years, it is something that still hurts my heart.

You were always the calm and rational to my crazy young ways although I know you secretly liked the wild carefree attitude I exuded.  You were the first boy to make me cry outside of the school yard.  Yet things were never awkward and we always were able to have the catch up conversations so many ran from.  

We don't always make the best decisions in life, but that never took away from the person you were.  A part of me loved you and always will.  I will forever cherish the memories we had and I will relive the moments that made me love being with you.  Though you pushed me away, I will forever be grateful for the shove you gave me in the right direction, knowing that I wasn't meant for the life you were leading.  I am happy you found the right person to love.  I will never forget that Halloween on the stairs, we looked at each other both knowing it was done but that there would always be that "what if".  I never stopped hoping the best for you.

Thank you for knowing you weren't what was best for me.  Thank you for being the one to teach me that the love of a friendship can overcome the "puppy" love of a relationship that was never meant to be.  I was never too good for you, we were just on different paths.   As they say, "hindsight is 20/20."

"May you be free from the demons that haunt your dreams, may you find peace and allow your wings to guide you to soar."