Thursday, December 12, 2013

Small Town Jingle Jangle

As pretty much all of you know, I live in a small mountain town... Well it is really more of a community.  We don't have a mayor, and if we did we all know it would be me because I am awesome!

Who wouldn't want this boozer as a mayor?!?!?

We are considered a "township" whatever that means.  I think it just means we can't have a mayor nor do we have a sweet City Hall.
 But that isn't what this post is about...

I want to share some "definitely's" of my small town living:

-If you look like shit, feel like shit or smell like shit, you will literally see everyone and their God blessed mothers.

-If you do something stupid, your parents will know about it before you get home.

-There will be rumors, the only thing you can hope for is an awesome rumor!  Apparently I was married per my trash guy.  Uh.... Ok?!?!?

-Before you turn 21 there isn't a damn thing to do on Fridays or Saturdays, unless you sneak into a bar undetected... Now try to stay undetected as a drunk 18 year old.  Ya it's not working out for ya, is it?

-You will always see people you dislike or talk WAY too much.

-Summers and winters are full of impromptu class reunions.
Ice Cube knows what's up!

-You never see people you actually like or are friends with, unless it is a premeditated meeting.

-Head out on a dirt road, you'll come across 100 people you know who are also out for a Sunday drive.

-Mention a house party and the whole freaking mountain will be there, including sheriffs who just want to boogie down with y'all.

- If you don't have a four wheel drive, real mountain people hate you and discuss how they wish you would slide off a cliff in the snow.

-There is no "sneaking" around, someone will see you and tell the world.

- Playing in turnout/ dirty snow will mark you as a "flat-lander".  Forever.

-There are definite lines between reckless fun and the druggies... You walk through town, you are a druggie.  End of story.  (Or so my mom told me.)

No, we couldn't go cow tipping, but we could party in the Flats.

Our gas stations used to deliver pizza and beer and as long as you had enough cash, they didn't care how old you were.  Sadly that ended about 10 or more years ago.

That is my condensed version of small town living.

And please remember, just because I didn't move away doesn't make me a loser.  I am actually pretty damn happy with my life.  I am just livin' the dream one day at a time.