Friday, April 20, 2018

"Seredipdating"

On Tuesday, Yahoo shared an article with a brand new dating term -Serindipdating.  This was added to a long list of other dating words that describe the dating scene for us singles out in the world including, but not limited to:

Benching
Ghosting
FWB
Haunting
Tuning
Bread-crumbing
Cuffing

There are a few others and this article here tells you all about them and their wonderful descriptions.

Back to "serindipdating"... Here is the short break down, you basically avoid making dates or commitment for fear of missing out on something better; you complain of no spark, while seeking a spark that may never come; you plan your white picket fence dreams on a significant other whose perfection isn't realistic; all the while, good guys are right in front of you and you "just don't feel it".

Won't lie, I am very guilty of this and so are many of the single people I know and have dated.  I have gone on dates that seem great, only to be "ghosted", "benched" and whatever other lame term there is to describe men who have absolutely no balls to tell you they are not interested and I have completely stopped talking to guys who come on too strong.  In my defense, most of them didn't take "no" too kindly so there was no other choice.

A few weeks ago I went on a date with E and we had, what I thought was, a good time.  Good enough for him to hand over an expensive bottle of wine at the end of the date... The date that ended so awkwardly it seemed surreal...   Have I heard from him?  Yes he texted me when he trekked back down to the city and made it safely home.  Other than that, no.  I have texted a couple of times and he has responded, but I don't have the energy to chase a dude around who is seemingly not interested, or rather looking for something different.

Did he come out and say that?  No, but in today's world with texting, Instagram, Snap, Bumble, and Tinder, among other things, his silence has said enough.  There hasn't been a suggestion for a second date other than my own suggestion, which he said "sure" to but I have yet to see that come to fruition.  I mean, he really could be busy, but after three weeks I am not buying that.  What will be will be.

As a society, dating apps and texting have ruined our chances at an actual connection, because we are constantly seeking something more meaningful, while only getting to know people superficially.  This is why I have a two date minimum.  I won't make a decision on a guy until the end of the second date, because first dates are awkward as hell, but "serindipdating" is preventing many second dates or even first dates from occurring.

The only way I see these dating trends ending is for people to go back to values and morals instilled in older generations where we respected ourselves enough to not want a bad reputation; where we respected other people's feelings enough to be honest; and where we made true human connections beyond looks, social status, and really looked for happiness and laughter.

We have all gotten so caught up in the next "match" and "like" that most of us have forgotten who are and until we come back to ourselves we will never be able to find a person we deem worthy enough to settle down with.