Saturday, September 17, 2016

Serial Monogamist

We all know someone (or maybe it is you, but it isn't me) that is completely comfortable jumping from serious relationship to serious relationship.  Most of the time the serial monogamist (SM) never really processes what the downfall or ending of the last relationship prior to jumping into a new relationship.  This may not seem bad, but if you aren't dealing with your issues, how in the hell are you going to make something work with someone new?

Patterns tend to repeat themselves, kind of like history.  People don't change over night and if they do, there are normally some serious drugs involved.  When you don't give yourself enough time to heal, you carry more baggage into the next relationship.  Or sometimes (like me) you give yourself entirely too much time to heal and become picky and irritable, but that is a different blog for a different time.

In the past I have dated the SM type and it can be exhausting.  They tend to accelarate a relationship from "hi" to "let's move in together."  Men tend to think it is women who jump the gun, but let me tell you there are plenty of men who do it too.

Take B for instance.  He seemed great, we had a lot in common, had a great tinme out and about, BUT he was irritated about my schedule and only being able to hang out a few nights a week.  I worked full time, taught dance, and was a student... I honestly didn't have the option to change my schedule around to appease a dude I had just met.  It soon fizzeled and I went my way and he went his.  Surely he is shacked up with someone and it probably didn't take all that long either.

The point is that he didn't take the time to see if we really jived prior to becoming clingy and somewhat overbearing.  If there is one thing I can't stand it is a stage five clinger and someone who tells me what to do, he would have seen this if he had taken the time to enjoy dating and the getting to know you phase.  It is important to know the person you end up with, because if you jump from serious relationship to serious relationship, are you even taking the time to get to know yourself enough to see what you really want in a life partner?  Or are you perfectly content bouncing from person to person and never knwoing why things aren't working out.

Take the time to enjoy dating, even if it is a pain in the ass, because no one wants a lifetime five stage clinger.