Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Bachelor Contestant

I don't watch "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette" anymore... I know, I know... Please catch your breath for a second.

The contestants are all over the place on the mental health spectrum, there is too much crazy bitchiness (especially from the dudes), too many out of the ordinary experiences that are sure to disappear once you go back to reality and so many other things.  No to mention the fact that these people are trying to end up married to someone they competed for on tv... 

Sometimes I wonder what I would be like as a contestant on the show...


Camera Shy-  I would be the girl running from cameras, because I know my best angle and it is not eating Cheetos with a coffee for a mid day snack!

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Competition- I would NOT survive here.  I don't fight over guys.  I will fight over a dirty look,  stupidity, maybe the last Oreo, even a box of Cheerios (true story, I should share that in a post), but I will not fight over a guy.  I truly believe a guy worth having isn't going to make a bunch of ladies argue over him and if he gets off on chicks fighting over him, well his ego is going to be more than I can handle if I get picked.

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Trips- I would do so well with the travel aspect of the show.  The only problem being, I would want to take this vacation life home with me, whether I won or lost.  This is where ABC Network really gets the hopes up of the contestants.

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Illness- I would be the first person in the history of the show to come down with mono, because that kind of stuff just happens to me.  In all honesty, how has a mono outbreak not occurred and if it has, how have we been kept in the dark?!?!?!  You get that many people together making out with the same guy something is bound to go around.  


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Champagne- Another area I would excel at... Until it was time to be semi sober for the final rose ceremony.  Things would go downhill faster than Lindsay Vonn on a ski slope.  There would be slurring, smeared make up, drunk hair and perhaps an outburst or two about which girl got a rose.  Drinking and standing still while being quiet is not a challenge I would be able to win. After all was said and done, there would be MORE booze consumed and I am pretty sure I would stumble to bed or wake up on a couch and not know how I got there.  Best part, there are limo drivers, so feel free to drink as much as possible in your formal wear. 


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What if I didn't get picked?!?!?  There would months of " I am such a catch", "Why didn't he see how great I was?", "I am the real winner" and other dramatic statements coming out of my mouth.  Heartbreak is bad enough, but to air it across the world via television would be pure hell...