April Recap

April has flown by, mostly because it was such a busy month for me.  Here is what I was up to:

Therapy-I finished up with my PTSD therapy sessions from Route 91.  I am not "cured", but I am more aware of healthy ways of coping and getting through traumas.  I cannot say enough good things about the therapist I found and I am so grateful for the tools, tips and tricks she gave me.

Concerts- I attended 5 concerts in April.  There was Michael Ray, front row Luke Bryan, Jason Aldean's record release party, Morgan Wallen and Hal Ketchum.  I had attended a few concerts in February, but was still skittish so I decided it was time to take them by storm.  The Michael Ray and Morgan Wallen shows were full of other Route 91-ers which made it easier and it is truly amazing how a group of people have come together to support one another and just hug it out when anxiety and fears are running high.  I took back my concert loving life and I am really proud of myself for that.

Dating-I said "bye bye" to Bumble because it just isn't the way I want to meet someone.  Yes I met some cool dudes, but I hate the feeling of being an "option".  While my friends and I had fun on it, we all agreed it is practically summer so it's lame to keep it around.  Plus it seems that guys are really only interested in one date and then disappearing completely.

Keto- I was so down for Keto and I will say that I had amazing results when I went full, hardcore, peeing on a strip Keto, but life happened and I wasn't prepared the way I should have been.  Since then I have been doing low-carb or what some consider "dirty"/ "lazy" Keto and I am still having good results, just not as fast.  Basically I am all about low carb 92% of the time.  Also I watched "The Magic Pill" on Netflix and I will tell you this, it has totally changed the way I view food, what we are suggested to eat and how to change it.  

Adulting- I went out and bought myself a new kitchen table and couch.  They get delivered next week and I have to say I am VERY excited about this stage of adulting.  While I spent more than what I had wanted to spend, I got items that I fell in love with and luckily for me, the couch was a clearance item so I saved some dough there.  

I hope April ends on a happy note for y'all and cheers to May.

"Seredipdating"

On Tuesday, Yahoo shared an article with a brand new dating term -Serindipdating.  This was added to a long list of other dating words that describe the dating scene for us singles out in the world including, but not limited to:

Benching
Ghosting
FWB
Haunting
Tuning
Bread-crumbing
Cuffing

There are a few others and this article here tells you all about them and their wonderful descriptions.

Back to "serindipdating"... Here is the short break down, you basically avoid making dates or commitment for fear of missing out on something better; you complain of no spark, while seeking a spark that may never come; you plan your white picket fence dreams on a significant other whose perfection isn't realistic; all the while, good guys are right in front of you and you "just don't feel it".

Won't lie, I am very guilty of this and so are many of the single people I know and have dated.  I have gone on dates that seem great, only to be "ghosted", "benched" and whatever other lame term there is to describe men who have absolutely no balls to tell you they are not interested and I have completely stopped talking to guys who come on too strong.  In my defense, most of them didn't take "no" too kindly so there was no other choice.

A few weeks ago I went on a date with E and we had, what I thought was, a good time.  Good enough for him to hand over an expensive bottle of wine at the end of the date... The date that ended so awkwardly it seemed surreal...   Have I heard from him?  Yes he texted me when he trekked back down to the city and made it safely home.  Other than that, no.  I have texted a couple of times and he has responded, but I don't have the energy to chase a dude around who is seemingly not interested, or rather looking for something different.

Did he come out and say that?  No, but in today's world with texting, Instagram, Snap, Bumble, and Tinder, among other things, his silence has said enough.  There hasn't been a suggestion for a second date other than my own suggestion, which he said "sure" to but I have yet to see that come to fruition.  I mean, he really could be busy, but after three weeks I am not buying that.  What will be will be.

As a society, dating apps and texting have ruined our chances at an actual connection, because we are constantly seeking something more meaningful, while only getting to know people superficially.  This is why I have a two date minimum.  I won't make a decision on a guy until the end of the second date, because first dates are awkward as hell, but "serindipdating" is preventing many second dates or even first dates from occurring.

The only way I see these dating trends ending is for people to go back to values and morals instilled in older generations where we respected ourselves enough to not want a bad reputation; where we respected other people's feelings enough to be honest; and where we made true human connections beyond looks, social status, and really looked for happiness and laughter.

We have all gotten so caught up in the next "match" and "like" that most of us have forgotten who are and until we come back to ourselves we will never be able to find a person we deem worthy enough to settle down with.

Beer Spiller Dude

Lately I have been toying with the idea of online dating again.  Previously I have done it and I met some cool pen pals, but nothing really came to fruition.  I also was very lucky and never had to deal with stereotypical dillweeds of Tinder and Bumble.  Blame my low bullshit tolerance on that one... Bye, Felipe.

The thing is, when you have an amazing tribe of girls who are all single, you all complain and start thinking about all of you dating and doing this whole app dating thing together.  It can be fun, it can fill time while you all sit back and finish bottles of wine...  Your friends help with the superficial swipe and later help with the awkward first messages and in some cases (yes we have all done it), appear on first meetings... Safety in girl friends!

It all sounds like so much fun, right?  It isn't!  Dating is freaking exhausting, even more so when your phone is constantly yelling at you about your matches expiring.  The last thing I really want to add to my work, home, friend, workout schedule is a dating app, but I was at a loss and everyone was doing it, so I again downloaded Bumble and it was exactly what I described above... Torture.  Absolute torture.

I have been sitting in an internal battle over this whole dating app crap and honestly it is quite comical.  I really don't want to meet someone from an app.  Wouldn't it be such a better story to say we met at a bar when my sandal got stuck to his shit?  Or that we bonded over a mutual love of Bob Seger?  Better yet, that he spilled his pitcher of beer down my back?  Of course, there is always the bookstore or grocery aisle to meet as well...  

Recently my disdain of meeting on an app was firmly placed into concrete when a guy walked by me at a bar, my flip flop actually got stuck to his shirt ( I was sitting like a lady on a tall bar stool) and he spilled his pitcher all over my legs.  We ended up talking after quite a bit of shit talking about the spilled beer.  The conversations were laughable and the excitement of meeting someone new was palpable.  At the end of the night, we didn't exchange numbers and went our separate ways, but it made me realize that without a doubt, I DON'T WANT TO MEET ANYONE FROM A DATING APP!

I don't want this picture perfect image and filtered lifestyle.  I want to see the nitty gritty and find out your sense of humor and what you do for a living in our first face to face conversation.  I don't want to text for months on end and have those conversations fizzle and be left wondering why.  

I don't want app perfection, I want messy life experiences.

So thanks Beer Spiller Dude for being the reason I realized what I knew all along!

Subconsciously Superficial

I have gone a few million dates and up until recently I never realized some of the superficial things I have done to seem like a better fit for the guy.

Heels Vs. Flats-  I am 5'7" and when I wear heels I tend to feel like a total and complete Amazon.  This is fine when I go out with a guy who is at least 6 feet tall, but not when the dude is 5'9".  I don't tend to set height restrictions, but let's be honest, it is weird to me to be taller or even around the same height.  When I date a guy around 5'9" I find myself trading in my daily wedges for flats.  This might not seem like a bad thing, but bye bye cowboy boots with any heel and bye bye cute summery wedges.  It is probably better for my back and knees, but not my confidence.

Alcohol Choices-  I tend to follow the lead of what my date orders to drink.  It makes me feel weird to order a beer if they are just drinking water.  Typically I opt for a Bud Light over anything else, because it is easy to order, most restaurants or bars carry it and the guy will most likely remember this if there is a future date.  Yes, this is a test of sorts.  When I dated a guy a few years back, he knew I was a Bud Light or Budweiser girl.  He also knew the garnishes I drank with my beer.  While I didn't make it easy on him with the garnishes, a beer brand was easier than remembering that I prefer a vodka soda with a lime wedge and two green olives.

Comedies Vs. Action Films-  Let me first start by saying, I hate movie dates.  Each movie date I have gone on has had awkward moments, mostly with me falling asleep.  I can't help it, by the time Friday nights roll around I am exhausted and a dark movie theater is just the place to catch up on sleep.  That being said, if I have to go on a movie date, I prefer comedies, but I will settle for an action movie, because most men see comedies (not including Will Farrell) as chick flicks.  Action movies are never really high on my priority list, because well, movies are not high on my priority list.

I am sure there are other things I do subconsciously, but I haven't caught them just yet.  What do you do?

Oh, Brad

I would like to introduce y'all to Brad.  Brad seemed like a nice guy, we met, exchanged numbers, texted and finally met up for dinner and had a nice time late last summer.  We tried to schedule a second date, but something about him working late and him getting pissed off about my schedule made it impossible to reschedule.  I actually never heard back from him regarding a rescheduling of the second date.   That was almost 6 months ago! I would get random "hi"s and that was it.  Well yesterday I got a "hi" and this what commenced...

This is totally shitty, because on all social media outlets he is in a relationship with a girl named Katie.  Now I am not saying they couldn't have broken up and he could just bad at updating profiles, but I demand respect and getting pissy and disappearing isn't going to fly around these parts.  Maybe he is licking his wounds, or maybe he found some other girl to entertain his bullshit, but it wasn't me.  

That Time I Took A Nap...

Has anyone been so exhausted by life that they have fallen asleep right where they are sitting?  I have done it a few times at bars, restaurants and obviously movies.  Movies might not seem like a big deal unless you're on a date with a guy you really like...

I did just that a couple years ago.  I had been dating this guy and he didn't really have a whole lot of time for dating so when he would offer up a day and time, I jumped like a puppy receiving a treat.  (Sad and slightly pathetic in retrospect.)  I should have really said "no" but I went anyway.

I can't really recall why I was so tired, but the night was foggy and rainy and I told him I would drive.  You know, because I am a psycho control freak and like to be in control of my own destiny.  We made the treacherous drive down the mountain into the city.  We were about 20 minutes too late to see "Lincoln" so we settled on "Argo" which was even later than "Lincoln".  Looking back I should have suggested going to dinner instead, but my stubbornness would win out.  

I ordered a Diet Coke in hopes the caffeine would provide a small bit of energy to keep my eyes open.  We chatted and flirted prior to the movie starting.  Once it started I was really into the story line and thought it would keep me awake.  The last thing I remember was Ben's butt in his hotel room.  

Next thing I know I am being gently tapped awake during the airport scene.  I had a tiny bit of drool on shoulder and tried to play it off like I hadn't just slept through most of the movie that cost $15 to go see.  I will never forget the look on his face... He seemed to feel bad but there was a smirk too.  

It was awful!

This experience is probably why I dislike movie dates.  I mean I can barely keep my eyes open during Netflix binges!

Summertime Syndrome Or Benching?

When I was younger my dad told me that most people like to be single and carefree in the summer... Fall and winter were made for shacking up.  Well maybe not in those exact words, but you catch my drift.  Every summer those words pop back into my head and I find myself believing them more and more as I get older... As if dating wasn't hard enough already.

Let's take into account a current situation someone I know is going through- She met this (seemingly) great guy at a brewery a few months ago.  They texted and talked on the phone and things seemed pretty good.  They hadn't gone out because they are on totally opposite schedules which kind of sucks, but at least he has a job, right?

They went out had a great time.  He came off as super interested and they did date number two.  The night ended great again, however he would eventually pull a "Houdini" and daily texts turned into weekly texts with simple one word answers.  My friend called and asked me what is going on, I was at a complete loss.  All signs had pointed to he was very interested.  I even asked guy friends who said "maybe he got scared, but he has got to be interested because he is still putting forth an effort".

The more time that goes on and now that summer is upon us, I wonder if he has succumbed to "summer syndrome" or something worse... "benching".  He doesn't text her on weekends, only during the week, but all hours.  She says she is ok with it, because she just wants to go out and have fun herself, but I wonder if this is the new age of dating.

Have we allowed ourselves to be fooled into having fun over putting in the effort to date someone we are significantly interested because it is too much work to date?

Bold Is Gold?

If y'all follow me on snapchat (kristiebluejean) you might know a little bit about this post from some of the hilarious snaps I threw up there.

I seriously wonder if "bold is gold" is really true?  The theory is that a bold girl gets what she wants and the not so bold girl will have to sit around waiting and may never get anything.  There may be some truth to it, but every time I have tried this method it hasn't worked out so well.  Well neither has dating so I guess it doesn't really matter.  Here is how I see it in my brain.

You meet a guy and you end up kind of liking him.  You get all those butterflies and the excitement.  You chat a few times and learn a few things about him.

With your new found knowledge you are now able to do your obvious research, how many times he has had run ins with the law, how many marriages, kids he doesn't claim, mother's birthday... You know the typical stuff.

You finally ask him to meet you for a drink.  I mean you won't EVER know if there is chemistry or not unless you are willing to actually put yourself out there.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with sending that text that says "hey if you're free Thursday let's grab a drink and catch up."  While this isn't flirty or datey, it actually is a great way to get a friendship going which can always lead to more.  Besides, the worst that can happen is he says no and you end up further in your shell.

Now comes the waiting... You are waiting for him to respond and in the five, maybe ten minutes, it takes him to respond you have already scrolled through Tinder looking for your next victim prospect.  Here is where things get tricky... Don't lower your expectations of the guy, lower your expectations of what you are feeling... It makes things less awkward if he says no.

You hear your phone buzz, it's him... He said... Oh shit you can't look, but then you finally do and the answer was "I am free let's definitely meet up."  You can't begin to wrap your brain around the "yes" answer.  You are freaking yourself out... Then you realize you have about a week to prepare.  You are constantly trying to figure out what to wear, what to say and your friends are screaming at you to calm down.  Seriously, take a chill pill.

You show up at the bar ten minutes early because there is no way he is staking this place out before you can.  You learn all the exits and wait staff's names so that in the event he is a psycho you can run.  He finally arrives and you sit in awkward silence.  Instead of taking this bad, you decide to muster your strength and start a conversation.  You remember to enjoy the challenge.

 You get home and realize you had a great time.  You remember this sense of accomplishment and taking control of your own life is awesome and you vow to continue on this path of being bold and not being afraid to ask a guy out...

 Then your phone tells you there is anew message and you run and  hide....



-

Dating Disasters- Tinder Edition

I have always had a negative opinion about online dating. I hate that technology is the way we communicate with one another (hypocritical as a blogger, I know). I have always believed if you're meant to have someone in your life sooner or later you cross paths. For instance, I dated a guy with friends in common and on date number one we connected all of the times we had been at the same concerts, parties, bars, etc which clearly proved we were meant to meet.

With the new rise of iPhone addiction of course a dating ap just for iPhones would appear...  Tinder. It is just for iPhones, right?  Regardless of what phone it's on, I was leery. Heck I still am. It's like a chat room and not in a good way. Miss Ellie convinced me that I should try it out and see what may or may not happen. So I signed up.....  Strictly for me to report back to y'all on the insanity and asinine men I have encountered. 

I have to admit I am not impressed nor am I pleased. Tinder is today's modern way of hooking up. A swipe right means I may have a chance if you also swipe right. A swap left and I will never see you again.  There are bios, but let's face it- no one reads that. They look at pictures and choose which way to swipe. It's lazy, lame and I promptly deleted it. I can see where this might been fun on a drunken night, but I don't think you can actually meet and settle down with a guy you met on Tinder. 

What I did notice are plenty of men with wedding rings on. This tells me they are married or were married and are separated/divorced and have too much baggage. 

Kids are their kids, not nieces and nephews. Do not be fooled. 

Group shots tend to confuse a girl and she may swipe right only to find out they guy is the midget stripper in the corner. 

Heights- 5'7" is really 5'4". Always deduct three inches. Men have this awkward tendency to embellish heights. "Yo Bro! If we meet up, I will really know your height!" 

Travel pictures are more exciting than the men in them as most of the time it was a European vacation with their mom. 

Guys with chicks in the pics- RUN AWAY IMMEDIATELY!  He either boned her, wanted to bone her or is currently in a relationship with her and she has no clue he is on Tinder.

Uh, sure you were buddy!

 All in all, I don't really recommend Tinder for anything other than entertainment.  As a woman in today's world I don't appreciate the "what are you looking for, to makeout?"  You may think you are funny, but really you are just annoying.  I will stick to everyday encounters as it was a bad decision to open the Tinder ap, a very bad decision.

Dating Disasters Link Up #1

Welcome to the very first "Dating Disasters" link up with Miss Ellie and I! I cannot wait to hear your dating disasters stories and to share my own with y'all. This is a monthly link-up so remember to mark your calendars for the third Thursday of every month to come back here and join us!

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Everyone's always nervous on a first date. It's the laws of science and nature or something. I've always been a pretty mellow girl when it comes to first dates, other than the fear that the guy I'm going out with will kidnap me and/ or murder me (blame my parents and their true crime tv).

I met this guy through friends so I wasn't really scared about any of that. Looking back (it's been a few years) I can't remember if we hung out a few times or only once before he asked me out. It was all sorts of cute and nerves rolled into one. After several back and forth MySpace (that's how long ago this was) messages we decided on him picking me up and heading for Chinese food about a half hour away.

When date night came, he was early, came in and met my parents and we were on our way. We had decided on a Chinese restaurant off of a main freeway but it was near an airport. Needless to say he didn't look up directions before hand and was paranoid about missing the reservation time (bonus points for the reservation) and we got lost.  Not your normal, "Oh it's two blocks down" lost, but more of the "where in the hell are we, my GPS doesn't even know!" kinda lost.  We literally drove around aimlessly looking for a street that didn't exist.  After several circles around, he jumped the curb into the parking lot. and we were finally parked.

I could sense his nerves as we walked into the restaurant but tried to make him feel more at ease.  I didn't realize at the time that I was making things much worse.  Of course the place was empty which mean the host was rude about the reservation stating we didn't need one.  We were seated right smack dab in the middle of the place with countless birthday parties surrounding us.  It seemed like everytime we tried to talk, the staff would bust out in another chorus of "happy birthday".  It was maddening.  The waiter came to take our order, I ordered white wine which apparently was disgusting to him as he slightly berated me saying something about how it was rude to drink on a first date....  Ooops my bad, it's not like we met at a bar or anything (for the record, we did meet at a bar).

Things went from bad to worse from there- he ordered for me like I was two years old and told the waiter we were fine every time I wanted  a refill on my water.  I don't know about y'all, but refills are my number one pet peeve.  I must have have water, it doesn't matter how many glasses of wine I have, water is a staple.  At one point I asked how his day went, he looked me straight in the eye and said "don't ask questions you aren't prepared to have answered."  Um, ok?  Again so weird!

I don't recall much more from the date other than the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and the desperation to make it home.  We literally had a silent dinner, unless he was criticizing my drinking habits, which at the time were one glass of wine and done.  I cringe thinking back on the fact that I allowed my self to go out with him a few more times and how things just went from bad to worse.  I still cannot fathom how I was able to just let it roll off of my shoulders.  I guess I am more opinionated now, where before I was meek as I was shocked to be out on dates.

Have you ever had a literally silent date?

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